The coming Animal Revolution

I left work last night at about midnight. By the time I was close to home I was pretty tired. When I was driving down Balls Ford road it was completely dark, and I was the only one on the road. I came around a turn and saw what I thought was a piece of trash at first, but then realized it was a fairly large possum. I swerved to the left, into the oncoming lane to go around him at the last second, and unfortunately he darted left as well to escape me. I ran right over him, thunk thunk. I didn't hit him with the tires, but the undercarriage of my car most definitely tumbled him, if not squashing him completely. I felt terrible.

Thats just one more example of weird animal sightings I've experienced over the last few weeks. Two weeks ago I was driving to work and saw a wild turkey (not the bourbon! A live wild turkey!) randomly chilling in the center of the Prince William County Parkway. He was larger than any Thanksgiving turkey I've ever eaten, maybe a good 40 lbs. Freaky.

The following week there was a rooster on the exit to 66 by my house, a mile or so from where I saw the turkey! WTF!?! For those not familiar with the area, these roads are surrounded by industrial space. There are no farms for miles around, and the farms that are nearby are mostly horse farms.

A few nights ago at about midnight I went out to smoke a cigarette before bed and I stumbled across 3 rabbits munching on the fallen blooms from the tree in my back yard. While they did scatter immediately, they stopped about ten feet from the tree. They all froze and stared right at me. As I was enjoying watching them, I stayed on the stairs and let them watch me. After a minute or two, the two smaller ones slyly hopped away, but the large one (the dad or mom perhaps?) continued to stare. I walked down to the end of the driveway to see what he'd do, and he stayed perfectly still, except for his ears. He still stared at the door where I had been, but his ears turned and followed my steps. Strange. My first thought was "wow, if I only I had a slingshot, I'd be having some rabbit stew tomorrow!" Not that I know how to skin a rabbit, or even cook one for that matter, but I wondered why he was watching me instead of running like the others did.

The answer, I believe, lies in something Tony Kornheiser laments about on his radio show all the time: the coming Animal Revolution.

I think the animals have started watching us, and are preparing to take back their planet. Don't believe me? Here's a story about a family dog attempting to murder a member of his human family, no doubt with the mantra "the only good human is a dead human."

Take notice, friends. The Revolution is coming, and we must be ready to fight.